Indigestion?

Yeah, I think I am in a danger zone, but that’s ok, I can sit here as long as I watch myself.

Ok, but like the title was on about, what is this? I have never ever been so attached to and invested in a single person before. Ever. 

It’s that place where I feel what they feel, their pain, their joy, their sadness, their loss, their fear, their dreams, their passions, their love, more than I feel my own emotions. They are always on my mind and I relish the time spent in their company. They trust me and I trust them. I can’t remember, or even imagine what life was like before I knew them. It’s like time began from the moment I met them, there was nothing before it. I don’t think I can picture our futures intertwining, but I don’t want to imagine my life without them.

I care about few people. The people I would die for I can count on one hand. How did this person make it onto that exclusive list? 

I don’t know where I am going with this, basically I’m not sure if I love them or I’m just making my chances of going into another episode more likely.

Until next time

Where are you?

So this close friend I’ve been mentioning, I’m gonna go ahead and call him Sam. Sam’s a common name right?

Anyway, I think I’m just being really paranoid but he hasn’t been online since this morning and he’s always on at night and I don’t know where he is and can’t get a hold of him and I’m kinda scared. 

Like I said, I’m probably just really paranoid, but what if something’s happened? I don’t know, anything is possible with Sam, he could have been out all day and just fell asleep early or maybe he’s visiting his grandmother. What if it’s something else though? Seriously, knowing Sam, it could be anything, he could be fucking dead for all I know. I’m serious, this morning I woke up and checked my phone and instantly got a message from him telling me some not so good medical news. I still have trouble registering that I am one of his two best friends and he felt he needed to tell me this. What if something happened? But he could just have fallen asleep. I don’t know. I’m just worried. It’s unlikely, but maybe.

I’m sorry I’m just scared and I’m just all weird and I don’t know what to do with myself. 

I’m not positive, but I think this sort of ick is a danger zone for another possible episode. It’s that danger zone where you are sort of losing interest in anything and are just weighed down by everything and starting to question. I hope it’s just stress, stress is easier to deal with. 

Well I should go to bed or something, that might help.

Sorry for being so paranoid, Sam.

Until next time.

The Big Picture and Self Destruction

This friend I’ve been mentioning? Well I was talking to him, like we do almost every night, and I thought the topic of conversation was rather applicable to people as a whole.

Basically, we were on about the usual when things got to the inevitable deep stuff, where we end up talking about each others problems and what to do. This particular conversation led to some universal truths and, what I like to call, ‘the relative pain of humanity’ and why everyone is different and still quite the same. I ended up doing all the talking on this one, and I think I showed him another side to the world that he doesn’t naturally think about (his personality has a lot to do with it, but that is a whole other topic)

See, his foundation on perception is based on himself and his internal world, which he then applies to the world around him. This means that he understands himself to a tee, but his relative view on everyone else is different, and he has trouble considering his relative place in the world. I am the opposite, I have very little idea of how my internal world works, but can easily place myself in terms of other people and the world in general. I know my relative standpoint in the grand scheme of things. 

I really enjoyed helping him understand that, his own experiences and pain, as terrible and tragic as they are, do not make him alone in it.

We are all human, we all hurt, it’s just that some can take on more challenges than others and be ok, where others in the same situation would not cope.

Until next time.